HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOVEMBER!

Happy Birthday Grandma! Happy Birthday Jon! Happy Birthday Adam! This month seems to be full of birthdays.

I also have a new nephew, named Michael. He was born on the 7th. He's my brother Ben's child. I hope he lives a wonderful life with his half sisters, two moms, and his wonderful dad.

I hope everyone had a wonderful week. I know I didn't do much this week. My life was full of helping my friend take care of her sick twins. It was an experience I'll never forget. Kenre and I both did not get sick. At least, not yet. We both had our shots, so I think we're good.

I'm tired right now, though. Tomorrow is my day to wake up with the kids. Jon is sleeping in. We take our turns.

We also have Alex until Tuesday, thanks to Baka and company moving houses over the weekend. I love being a free babysitter when ever they chose it. I love Alex, though, so I don't mind as much as people think. I think it's good for him to be with us as much as possible. He seems to thrive under our care (so says his Special Needs teachers). He runs me crazy, though. He's just so full of energy and very loud. I guess all, or most, four year old are like this, though. He's a wonderful little boy. I wish we could have him longer, because his progress made at our house is gone by the time he returns again.

So, anyway. I have good news, but I'm holding it in for a while. I am going to hold it until I can't anymore. Talk to everyone later!

P.S. Sorry about the last post. I was hormonal and don't know why I even wrote it now. I usually don't complain about stuff like that, but I'm a bit lonely here in the middle of snow central while all my friends are still in camel land.

Where are my Friends?

I know this is going to probably be a pissy post, but I have been placing my life on here and no one has commented. I know my life is boring, but can someone at least comment? I went out of my way to make friends and join groups. I try to comment on friend's pages as much as I'm able to, but I haven't received a comment on my page. Am I really that dull? I have one physical friend, and she is so sporadic when I can speak with her, that I'm lonely. I'm a shut in. I want to have friends. Where are you friends?Okay, I'm done whining.

Thank you for reading this, if you did actually read this.

This Weekend was Deer Hunting, without the Deer

That's right. We hunted the entire weekend, and five minutes before the season ended Christopher, Garrett, and Grandma saw four deer. The first deer seen all weekend! So, Grandma shot into the air to startle them into freezing. They were right behind Garrett's deer stand (more like a club house on the ground). She couldn't shoot at the deer without worrying about shooting into the stand and possibly hitting either of her sons sitting in there. So, Garrett decided to come out and check to see what Grandma shot at. As he opened the door, Christopher decided to push passed him, but tripped on something and fell out of the stand. "Deer!" he screamed as he saw them staring at them. Both of the boys got a shot off, but they both missed as the deer took off for their lives.

I also got to help them "drive" the deer. Pretty much we spread out and walked through the long grass where deer usually lay down and wait out the day. It was fun. Everyone kept telling me I couldn't do it and I insisted they were wrong. I even had to walk the stream. It was like walking the washes in the desert. The paths that the water takes down the mountains was just like this stream I was jumping from bank to bank on. The thorn bushes were just like the desert sage I used to battle to get up the mountain side. Of course there was a lot more trees than in the desert, but finding my footing was easy. I enjoyed it a lot. Made me feel more like my old self than in a long time. I used to walk the desert everyday with the dogs and my siblings. We used to search for horny toads, lizards, and any cacti we could use as well. Only driving deer is colder than walking through the desert! Hee hee! I was bundled up and everyone kept making sure I was warm enough. I think they thought I was going to go back or something. I wanted to do this! I love watching Kenre, but I needed to walk through some tough terrain for a while. It made me feel better inside.

I pulled out my old dresses last week. I sat in the closet and cried for a while. I even put one on and walked around for a while. It's just not fair, I think. I feel normal in my dresses. Grandma convince Jon a while ago, that I needed to wear pants and t-shirts instead of my dresses. Now I feel like it's the only way to please him. He even walked into the house while I was wearing the dress. He said, "Run out of clean clothes?" I didn't, of course, I keep on that very well, but I nodded anyway. Hide my necklace, hide my books, hide my accent, hide my dresses, and hide myself all because I really want a friend. I really want Jon to keep loving me. I really want a family up here.

I know my dresses aren't the normal up here, but I feel normal in them. I feel confident and strong. I feel so stupid wearing jeans and t-shirts! I feel like I should just cut my hair, lower my voice, and start to curse at everyone, like the males in this town do. I'm a female! Why can't I show it?!

So now who am I? If I was Muslim would they tell me not to wear my burka? If I was Jewish would they tell me not to wear my Star of David? So, I'm Pagan and in my tradition it says to wear these dresses and my necklace. I can't, though, and it hurts. Jon keeps saying that he's sorry, but I want friends so much I can't scare everyone away. Well, I've been here since May and I have one friend... and she's an outcast too. Sometimes I wish I could just live in a Pagan town with all Pagan people! It would be so much easier on us. My dresses aren't normal for them either, but they wouldn't tell me to take them off!

I only have the summer version of my dresses anyway. I need a winter version of the style if I'm ever going to be able to wear them all year long. Too bad I can't sew worth crap. It's not hard to make, but mine keep coming out lopsided... I am also broke beyond words.

So, I guess I've vented long enough. We don't have much deer meat coming our way, but Grandma Great said she was going to see if we can have half of the cow meat they're getting this year.

Through the Family Time

We went hunting this last weekend. It was interesting, but very cold. I decided to stay indoors and watch Kenre and Alex with Grandma Great all weekend. Except for on Saturday night when Grandma came through the door and said that Garrett had shot one. I decided I wanted to go and see my first deer. I bundled up and put on Christopher's boots (I had to re-lace and pull them tight because this kid doesn't do that.) We walked through the mud, through the orchard, and out onto one of the fields that had already been harvested for the year. It was muddy, snowy, windy, and cold. I probably should have stayed inside, but I have never been hunting like this before. When we got there Grandpa Great, Garrett, and Jon were already starting to gut the doe. Grandpa Great was angry. It was his doe tag that Garrett had used. In party hunting all of the tags are placed on the table and they're told how many bucks and does they can kill. Well, this year only Grandpa Great was able to receive a doe tag. I leaned down to the doe and thanked her. We are so extremely poor that we needed her meat to survive until we can get Jon's bonus at the end of the year. We also needed to still buy Kenre some winter clothing, and needed to sell her fur for it. I thanked her with all of my heart. I also thanked the God of the Hunt for bringing her into our land.

Grandpa Great was so angry that he told Garrett he can carry the 160LBS of deer up to the house. I remembered the trek out and wondered how he was going to do that!? They tied the deer to a rope and I even helped pull her. She was large, according to Grandma and Garrett. Christopher helped us by carrying the guns. We finally made it back to the shed where we strung her up to let the blood out. I'm surprised with myself, and I surprised all of Jon's family too. I didn't know how I would react to seeing a dead animal. Turns out I'm fine by it. I am the first female to marry into the family that hadn't started reacting horribly, like crying or something. One woman, my sister in law Rachele, is now a strict vegetarian because she witnessed deer hunting. I guess seeing a deer dead and gutted wasn't something her mind ever wanted to view again when she looked at her plate. I love meat way too much, and we needed that doe for food. I am more about necessity than civilization can ever gross out of me.

So, for the deer story this weekend:

Christopher is eleven years old. They made a new rule this year deer hunting that ten and eleven year old may hunt on their parent's license. So, Grandma took him out to the stand. Deer hunting is about being very quiet so that the deer don't spook and run away. They had been out there for a long while, when all of a sudden Christopher shouts, "A deer! Look!" Grandma turns her head to look down his pointing finger and says, "Christopher, that's a squirrel." They argued about it for a bit, but in the end Christopher did indeed admit that it was a squirrel. He now is saying it had to have been a four foot squirrel. Grandma keeps telling us it wasn't even the largest squirrel she's ever seen. We all laughed good on this one.

Alex was alright during the weekend, except he went backwards on potty training again. In the end I ran out of underwear to put him in, so Grandma Great had to put him in one of Kenre's cloth diapers. This happened when I was out getting the doe with Grandma and Garrett. Jon and I both agreed that he'd stay in the solid white diaper until he could be trusted to go on the toilet again. It was hard, but he was really embarrassed and I think it worked. He pulled his shirt really bad to try and cover the diaper, but we all knew he was in it. I know we were suppose to be patient, but I am getting sick of having to re-train him every other weekend when we have him again. I don't scream, and I am usually so patient, but he went through almost 24 underwear in a 24 hour period. That's like peeing and pooping constantly, especially when we just had him on the toilet or just changed him. It was getting ridiculous. I wondered what could have happened for the two weeks we didn't have him, besides the fact they leave him in pull ups all of the time and don't take him to the bathroom. His behavior was fine, though, except when the diaper was placed on him. He lay on the floor and covered his face hiding. Fine by me, though. Finally he asked to go potty and we took the diaper off of him and he went in the toilet. We put underwear on him again and told him if he went in his pants again we were going to put him in a diaper for a whole day. The next day was fine. He went in the toilet the whole time, except for right before we left to take him back to Baka's. He went poop again in his underwear, and struggled against getting dressed. He knew we had to return him to Baka's and again he fought us the whole way.

Friday night/Saturday morning we got woken up to a screaming Kenre at about 1:30AM. He was so scared and screamed for over an hour and half. We couldn't figure it out. We tried everything but nothing worked. Finally, we calmed him down with some books and reading to him. When we lay him down again he went right to sleep. We couldn't figure it out, until the next morning. Grandma and Miranda told us about Great Great Grandma who died in the same room we were sleeping in. That Grandma and Miranda has seen her walking about the old sections of the house and she's checked in on people before. She probably was checking on Kenre, and since Kenre is a light sleeper, woke him up on accident. It probably scared poor Kenre to be touched by an apparition. I know on Sunday morning, at 3AM, I was woken up by the same apparition. She was just curious as to who I was and where Kenre was (he was sleeping down stairs in the new part of the house since we didn't want a repeat of the night before.) I've seen ghosts before, so she didn't scare me as much as she probably thought she would. I whispered to her for almost an hour, talking about who I was, why I could see her, and who Kenre was. I asked her questions, but she didn't answer me. She just stood there giving me feelings and impressions, no actual voice. It was her house, and I could understand she was just protecting her family. The house has been in the family since the original homestead in the mid 1800's. The farm land all has been handed down as well. Great Great Grandma is nice, but she sure scared Kenre really bad. Jon's never seen her, but he believes us. I was hoping it had been my Grandmother who was with us, but I haven't seen her since I left my parent's home. She's probably still with my mother.

When we returned from the weekend I had 23 missed calls on my home phone. Who? Well, my sister Kier and my mother, of course. I thought Kier wasn't speaking with me, and my mother never calls me, so I didn't let them know I was hunting this weekend. Anyway, why would I have to pass anything by them? I'm 23 years old! Well, they left some messages on my machine, Kier called me some mean things, and my mother wanted to know why I was mad at them all. Jon and I laughed pretty hard. It was ridiculous. I did tell them about this coming weekend, though, because I don't want the cops called on our house for a missing person's report done on me!

On another note, I did miscarry over a week ago. I took another test and it came back negative this time. Jon and I are going to keep trying. It hurts inside to think about what could have been, but I know that we'll just have to receive our little one again at a different time. Kenre received two more shots yesterday and that completes his 12 month vaccinations. There's snow on the ground and fog filling the town. It seems like it's going to be an interesting walk this afternoon after Kenre's nap is over. We need quarters to clean laundry, so it's inevitable that we will go for our walk. Plus, I need to pay electric and phone.

Family Members:

Christopher- Grandma's adopted youngest child. He's 11.
Garrett- Grandma's youngest biological child. He's 19.
Miranda- Grandma's only biological daughter. She's 21.
Richele- Jon's sister-in-law. Married to Shaun, Jon's step-brother.
Grandma- Jon's mother, but Kenre's Grandma. My mother-in-law.
Grandma Great- Jon's Grandma, Grandma's mom, Kenre's Great Grandma.
Grandpa Great- Jon's Grandpa, Grandma's dad, Kenre's Great Grandpa.
Great Great Grandma- Died in the early 1900's. She is still haunting peacefully in her house where she died and was buried.
Kier- My sister. Age 21.

We will be hunting again this weekend. We still have tags to fill, and three families to feed on the meat. Hopefully Grandma Great will allow me to raid their freezer for some meat now. I'm also hoping she allows me to cook this weekend, since Jon's body didn't agree with her cooking.

Samhain Weekend

I'm totally exhausted, but alright. Time changes suck! I hate this whole changing the clocks thing.

We do Samhain, which is a three day holiday. Usually a wonderful holiday, but this year it sucked. We had no food for feasting. Our old alter had to be pawned for money, so we had no altar this year. Kenre got lots of candy that he cannot eat. Though he did start signing "Trick or Treat" by the end of the going door to door. Then we had to drop him off at his grandma's.

Halloween day (the 31st) was interesting. We went to a party and my DH told me somethings he probably shouldn't have. The next day I almost left him for good because of what he said. We worked it out, though. Our families are disappointed that we're still together, because they were both trying to find a way to split us up after our fight. So, now we're just trying to stay together through the tormenting our families are giving each of us.

We're going hunting this coming weekend. Finally. I can't wait until we have deer meat again. I am so sick of trying to buy meat or poultry at the store and still trying to hold onto precious emergency money.

We got a bill for Alex and Kenre's doctors appointments. I am so sick of paying bills with no money. We're jumping around paydays and extra money here and there to make everything work out. I swear if I see any of my math teachers right now I'd kill them, because I hate math and the fact that they taught me how to do all of this makes me mad at them. To sit here and go "Okay, tuesday this bill needs to be paid. It'll take three days for the check to clear. I need forty more dollars into this account for it. On thursday I get paid, but I'll track the money back into your account for this bill that needs to be paid on Friday. The rent is due next week, but we can hold off until the 5th if we're careful to mail it out at this post office at this time." I swear we're just trying to find as many loop holes as possibly.

You know. Sometimes I wonder how anyone is actually coming along in this world. We're trying to get by here, and we're living in cheap-ville. I'm going to start selling off my religious books and parenting books soon. I love them, though. I read them constantly. We need the money.

On a good note. Kenre broke through some more teeth. Now that's six on top and four on the bottom. He's biting a lot more, though. At least he's able to chew better.